Hypochondria

I am going to the doctor tomorrow for the first time in 9 years.  I am slightly petrified.  I have not had insurance for the last 9 years and may lose my insurance again in a few weeks.  When you don't have the option of going to the doctor you spend a lot of time trying to diagnose yourself.  I have spent a lot of time in the last few years trying to keep my hypochondria under control.  Every time I hear about a new study that lists obesity as a cause of another disease, my heart beats a little more rapidly.  I know that I am obese.  I know that I am at risk for all kinds of problems.  I know that during my pregnancy I had blood pressure that went so high I had to have an emergency C-section.  I know that my grandmother had type-2 diabetes.  I can only pray at this point that I can reverse the damage I have done so far, that my doctor will support my efforts to lose weight, and that I will get no dire news tomorrow.

Update

I haven't been here for a while so I'll just say that everything seems to be going well.  I don't want to jinx anything by claiming that things are good, but really they are.  I have a job, I've lost some weight, the boys are alright.  Everything is pretty smooth.  Except my cat is sick.  Hopefully not dying. 

Woo Hoo!

I got the job!  I'm officially a legal assistant!  After two and a half weeks I got an email offering me the job.  I start Monday and I am so excited.  I cannot wait to start helping my community through family law.  I will be starting with only ten hours a week, but that will grow to twenty-plus hours in a week or two.  I have to get the lay of the land first.  I really think this job is going to work out well.  Now I just need to go to work, write grants, keep the house clean, take care of my kids, eat right, and fit exercise in too!  Can I do it all?  Of course I can!  I believe in me!

Shoes, Baby, Shoes

I bought new shoes today.  I've been out walking a lot lately, and my knock-off Converse were just not handling it.  So I decided to invest in a pair of good shoes.  I have never owned truly athletic shoes.  Since high school I have owned a series of Converse, in a wide variety of colors.  ( I actually went to Tolo my sophomore year of high school in burgundy Cons, burgundy tights, and a short black skirt- 1995 awesome!)  Before I had kids I almost always wore heels, and since kids I usually have a pair of shoes I can slip on in five seconds or less.  This time I was looking for a good pair of walking shoes I can really use.  I did my research over the last few days checking out several websites and reading about things to look for.  I also learned there is a real difference between walking and running shoes.  Who knew? 
I went to the mall this morning on a mission.  And I went to four stores and not one person offered to help me.  I could not tell walking shoes from running shoes or training shoes or golf shoes!  Some of the stores had the walking shoes in a defined area, but I still wanted someone to come over and tell me what I should get.   Finally I went into Lady Foot Locker and the girl working there was so amazingly helpful.  She told me that walking shoes work best for treadmills and I would be better off with running shoes.  She pointed out the motion control shoes (in case I have high arches or roll inwards on my feet [overpronate].  She told me all the selling points.  Great job!  I bought the shoes.  Asics.  Black with purple accents, filled with gel, so comfy I could cry.  Now I have no excuse not to walk!

My World, My Way

This is my place to vent my frustrations about life in general.  Today I am seriously annoyed because it is almost 11 pm, and my kids still keep coming out of their rooms.  One of my sons is so sensitive that he starts wailing when I shout for him to head back to bed, which just makes the whole situation worse!  I'm also frustrated because I've been waiting for two weeks now to find out if I got job.  I just recently finished school to be a paralegal, and the attorney I interned with set me up with an interview.  The office I interviewed with is a sole attorney who practices family law- it is exactly the type of office I would love to work in, and I am extremely anxious to find out it I got the job!  I am also trying to lose weight.  I'll be honest, I currently weight more than 250 lbs.  I am trying to lose 100 lbs, and I'm doing pretty good.  I've lost 14 lbs. so far and I'm exercising now more than I ever have in my life.  I'm actually feeling better than I have in a long time, and that is really why I am starting this blog- so I have a safe outlet for my emotional dredge.  I'm going to put it all out there for the world, and then it won't be bottled up in me.  Thank you, internet.